Author: Sheri

Protecting Our (Emotional) Garden

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I like to think of the soul as a garden. It is up to each of us to tend to what goes into and out of that sacred space.

With COVID-19 in full force worldwide, the previously heated political climate is now past its boiling point. Turn on your TV, scroll through social media and you are catapulted into a world of information overload and with it, a myriad of strong and often divided opinions.

It is easy to get overloaded in our 24/7 news coverage world; it is also easy to get persuaded to share our opinions, to “like” a friend’s political cartoon or meme or offer an angry emoji to show support for said friend’s left or right wing views. And if you are comfortable doing so, that’s great, keep doing you!

But there is a fine but distinctive line between supporting a friend and abdicating your own comfort level; it is one thing to support a cause important to you and another to feel cyber-pressure to agree with something or someone online when you don’t feel comfortable sharing.

In our omnipresent social media world (particularly now that we are flattening the curve through social distancing), we are hungry for connection. After all, we are humans, connecting is what we DO. Yet we owe it to ourselves to share what each of us wants to share, not feels obliged to share.

I like to think of the soul as a garden. It is up to each of us to tend to what goes into and out of that sacred space. What makes your space fertile might cause another’s to perish. I encourage you to reflect on what helps keep your emotional “garden” flourishing.

When I was a little girl, I recall hearing the phrase “There are two things you don’t talk about in public: sex and politics.” Of course, I didn’t get it at the time. Now as an adult, I know that the world isn’t black and white and this pithy statement is no exception. But it is a cliché for a reason: it is a reminder that certain topics are either gateways for growth or destruction.

So how do we know when politics, sex or any other impassioned topics are healthy or harmful to “air and share”?

The answer is simple but not easy: heed your inner garden each time someone or something online or in the news stands at its entrance. Each time, depending on the topic and/or person, your garden might perk up or shudder. The key is to listen to its personal message to you and you alone.

Feeding Our Creativity

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A simple piece of cardboard decorated with illustrations and voila–there’s magic to feed one’s creativity!

As a middle school English teacher, I am a big fan of project-based learning. Projects provide that delicate balance between intellectual stimulation and creative challenge. Today, with the deer-in-the-headlights reality of COVID-19 and its domino effect on us emotionally, physically, and spiritually, I want to share a project much-loved by my students that you can do at home: creating a play.

The photo here shows a simple cardboard cut out for puppets to do their magic. The puppets can be easily constructed from socks, yarn—even raisins for the eyes. Much like our creativity that is emerging in the kitchen as a result of our current reality, our imagination can also find exploration through self-created theater structures and scripts!

Here’s a baseline to get you started with kids of all ages:

  • Choose a scene/setting
  • Create characters (give them unique traits/mannerisms/features, etc.)
  • Think of a juicy conflict
  • Consider whether or not a resolution is needed—cliffhanger anyone?

When you are finished with your script (or perhaps improv is the soup de jour;-), consider posting your creative production on YouTube or Instagram. Who knows? In an effort to feed your imagination, you might just stir up someone else’s!

Feeding Our Minds

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Remain curious and open to learning new things!

A colleague reached out to me over the summer and let me know about a teaching opportunity that involved working on camera for our school district. I jumped at the chance.

The audition involved creating a mini lesson, replete with standards and curriculum that followed the state’s guidelines. It required a specific rubric to follow. 

Did I know what I was doing? Absolutely not. With content as a teacher, I shine, but with technology…well, that wasn’t in my wheelhouse. But I wasn’t going to allow a lack of experience using technology to impede me from doing something I love: teaching AND teaching on camera!

Creating the material for the lesson didn’t take me long, nor did the Power Point itself. Uploading my video with me on camera simultaneously…well, let’s just say, I didn’t eat for the entire day and it was dark outside by the time I was ready to hit submit to the district with my uploaded lesson.

Playing around with the unknown of the technology was frustrating but by the end of the full day, I had accomplished a new skill.

When I inquired whether or not my fellow teachers were auditioning as well, they looked at me as if I had acquired several heads. Their responses ran the gamut of:

“I don’t want to give myself anymore work.”

“That sounds too hard—no thanks.”

“Uh—no.”

In the end, over one-hundred teachers submitted their audition (I’m part of a large district), so there were plenty of teachers, eager for the exciting opportunity. 

I am grateful to note that I was one of the 25 fortunate teachers to get “cast” for the TV virtual teaching. And when we met for the first time this past week, I was not at all surprised by their positive energy. I felt like we all felt we had earned a “Golden Ticket” like something out of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Our lessons will air on local TV weekly for 30 minutes. Since it’s only local to our state and city, I want to share the lessons I’ll be creating here for any potential parents or students out there, hungry to feed their minds. To that end, I’m my first episode at the close of today’s blog post. Feel free to use the lesson as a starting point or follow along directly and participate in the activities.

I encourage you to consider an area of your life where you find yourself reluctant to try something new and go for it anyway. When we push ourselves past our comfort zones, real growth takes place.

Happy learning–for all of us!

Students can bolster their reading comprehension skills through this 10 minute video, connecting text to reader.

Rupi Kaur’s Gift to Humanity’s Appetite

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It’s no wonder Rupi Kaur is the author of two New York Times bestselling poetry collections. The twenty-seven year old writes with a brave vulnerability that draws us in; through her metamorphic journey we are also changed, encouraged by her candor to seek our own inner exploration.

I couldn’t resist sharing the excerpt below from Ms. Kaur’s latest publication, the sun and her flowers:

“you are a mirror
if you continue to starve yourself of love
you’ll only meet people who’ll starve you too
if you soak yourself in love
the universe will hand you those
who’ll love you too
– a simple math”

Kaur’s words remind me of the famous quote by former first lady, Eleanor Roosevelt: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” The world is a reflection of our own perceptions. If we perceive ourselves as unworthy of love, we will continue to feel starved; if we believe that we are deserving of love, we will receive its unending sweetness.

Kaur is correct: It IS simple math. But I am so grateful of her grace with words for offering us a much-needed metaphorical mirror to determine whether we are nourished or starving.

It’s Not Personal

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      When we go within for messages instead of outward, we are serving ourselves the best emotional nutrition.

Years ago, a friend introduced me to a jewel of a book: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. According to Toltec wisdom, there are literally four keys or agreements that, once practiced, offer us a world of inner peace and freedom:

  1. Be Impeccable with Your Word.
  2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
  3. Don’t Make Assumptions
  4. Always Do Your Best

Ruiz writes that the cause of most human suffering comes from not following the above four agreements. And boy, is Ruiz right! This simple yet deeply insightful book has been my go-to for years. All four agreements work together and affect each other. 

As our world continues to grow more virtual each day, it’s become clear to me that we need a reminder in not taking anything personally. While we are each the center of our individual worlds, we are not the center to others. As Ruiz states so eloquently:

“Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in.”

Words are a food for the soul. They possess the power to fuel or render us famished. But if we aren’t mindful, the words others serve us can make us sick. When we don’t take their words personally, we can continue to feed ourselves a diet that nourishes.

You can’t go onto social media now without reading someone’s vitriol regarding everything from a person’s weight to their political stance. If heeded, insulting words carry nutritional poison. But if you grow still, you will soon become aware that someone who is not happy with himself/herself serves those negative words. The poison they dish out is coming from within. You have the choice, the free will to not accept their toxic serving. Happy people don’t serve unhappiness—they literally don’t have it in them.

Actions that are cruel or toxic aren’t personal either. Ruiz notes this even in the extreme: “Even if someone got a gun and shot you in the head, it was nothing personal.” Again, negative behavior of any kind is a reflection of whatever is going on in another’s world and not about you.

This week alone, I have found myself grateful for Ruiz’s reminder that nothing is personal:

  • My friend calling me sleep-deprived after a 12-hour shift, articulating that I just don’t understand what she is going through.
  • My parents not calling on my son’s birthday, only to find out that they got the date mixed up.
  • Five people showing up to a virtual pre-launch book event of The Friendship Diet (after inviting over 100 folks) 

           Not taking anything personally also applies to compliments. While it feels good, we need to remember that, “If they tell you how wonderful you are, they are not saying that because of you. You know you are wonderful. It is not necessary to believe other people who tell you that you are wonderful.”

           When we go within for messages instead of outward, we are serving ourselves the best emotional nutrition. Looking outward for praise is a dish that will always leave one hungry for more; looking outward for guidance on who you are is the culinary equivalent of “too many cooks in the kitchen”: at best you end up with a hodge-podge of inedible messages and at worst, you experience emotionally painful heartburn.

            Nothing is personal. As Ruiz reminds us, when we know that nothing is personal “You can choose to follow your heart always. Then you can be in the middle of hell and still experience inner peace and happiness.”

The Gift of an Appetizer

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Appetizer Accomplishment Thinking Increases Our Motivation to Get-Stuff-Done!

I’m a single Mom, a full-time teacher, an author, an actor—on camera and on radio. Whew, even just writing that sounds fatiguing! And why is that? Because we all know that each role comes with a generous serving of responsibilities and there are just so many hours in the day!

My family and friends have asked me, “How do you do it?” Did I mention I am a yoga and ballet barre enthusiast as well?

We all have those 24 hours in a day; we all need to sleep; some of us have less commitments than others, but have you ever noticed you get more accomplished with less time?

I refer to the taking-Time-by-the-hands mindset as “appetizer accomplishments.” You know, those mini-quiches or hotdogs in a blanket? They aren’t exactly a meal and they aren’t dessert either. They are these micro dishes of food meant to give one a sample, a little taste. If you’ve ever found yourself ravenous at a wedding or other formal event, you know the power those appetizers have to stave off your hunger pangs and normalize your blood sugar again. 

Appetizer Accomplishments work in a similar way: they offer a sense of getting-stuff-done without feeling overwhelmed or lazy. Much like their edible counterpart, the Appetizer Accomplishment helps keep us going.

Here is one of today’s Appetizer Accomplishments: I washed the shower faucet—no scrubbed the shower faucet today. Didn’t do the entire shower stall or the bathroom itself at all. Nope—I just had time for one area of domestic cleaning today (It looks fantastic, BTW). And now when I walk by it, admiring its shiny surface, I’m already motivated to scrub the shower door tomorrow.

Another Appetizer Accomplishment: I secured a team meeting with the core group of teachers I work with. This took less than five minutes.

Another Appetizer Accomplishment: I wrote back a dating site that is interested in having me write another blog piece for them. Again—this took less than five minutes.

There is a power in momentum. Each action builds upon itself, creating a cumulative effect in both our outer and inner reality. Appetizer Accomplishment thinking keeps us in a delicious zone: fostering our sense of purpose while simultaneously preventing burn out.

I challenge you (and would love to hear from you, to choose one Appetizer Accomplishment you could experience right now. 

“Serving Yourself a Pause”

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What is Your Hunger Telling You?

School starts this week—for me, a middle school English teacher. The kids arrive virtually next month, so this is the time we educators start to ensure all of our academic ducks are in a row.

There is an uneasiness that often comes with the unknown, and virtual teaching in the midst of our pandemic is no exception. How will I effectively reach my new students? How will I effectively engage and connect with these young minds I have the gift and responsibility of educating?

Last week’s post focused on the magic-like pleasure experienced when embracing your passion. The example I shared was my love of writing and acting—a venture I reveled in manifesting and sharing with you on my YouTube channel.

Sometimes, we can get so caught up in a creative endeavor, we lose sight of the bigger picture. Last week, I was so hungry to combine my passion for writing and acting that I lost sight of the bigger picture: the optic and auditory effects of my comedic characters on the audience. 

My characters were meant to connect us, to create belly laughs and to promote my book. In my hunger to tickle your funny bone, I inadvertently eclipsed the gravitas of my book. So, I’ve taken the comedic characters down from my YouTube channel (I did keep my dear Sylvia Richmond. They may resurface as they were or in future comedic bits on a separate channel—apart from my book. I’m not sure where I want to go with them—and that’s okay. Like all of us, I’m learning as I go in this surreal experience called life.

The Friendship Diet is a book that focuses on the deep connection between our edible and emotional nutrition regarding our personal relationships. This includes our relationship—first and foremost—with ourselves. Today I write to you, aware that my emotional hunger is telling me to serve myself a heaping plate of pause, of rest, of time. My students deserve a teacher who is focused and hungry to educate and inspire her students. 

Whatever is happening in your life right now, if you are feeling overwhelmed and like the figurative walls are closing in on you, it’s more than okay—no, it’s vital that you serve yourself a pause dish. When we serve ourselves a pause dish, we are better serving others.

Ingredients for Success

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Everyone’s definition of success is different; the key is to discovering YOURS

Back in the day (1980’s), before social media existed and heading online meant you were literally waiting in an actual store until it was your turn at the register, I spent oodles of pleasurable moments creating characters and acting them out for family and friends. Summers were spent rehearsing SNL-inspired scenes with friends in a musty basement and then “wowing” our peers and family members with a show in someone’s willing backyard.

Creating characters on the page and then bringing them to life filled me with an intense and lasting pleasure. Hearing the laughter from the crowd, palpably knowing that what my friends and I had plucked from the vortex of our minds had made such joy possible, was a true high.

The pandemic has caused many of us to not only physically retreat but spiritually reflect as well. We are challenged to consider alternate ways of life as we know it and, by extension, pushed to ponder new ways of living. Author and entrepreneur extraordinaire, Ronne Brown (From Mopping Floors to Making Millions on Instagram), articulates a mid-life crisis shift that often occurs at sixty; with our pandemic, this mid-life “alert” seems to be occurring at any age:

“You’re at the ‘sorry, but I’m not going out like that phase.’ You have faked it for the last…years because you were afraid…. Now, you’re at a place where you feel like, you know what, ‘Screw that.’ You begin to tell yourself, ‘I am really going to focus on that passion before they put me to the ground.’”

I love teaching. I love writing. I love acting. So why do I need to pigeonhole myself into one-size-fits-all category? Why can’t I create a path that combines my passions?

A book’s success is not dependent on a quality book alone. It requires savvy social media skills, persistence, out-of-the-box marketing…and REVIEWS.

So I thought: that little girl, who still resides in me, misses acting so very much. And The Friendship Dietneeds reviews. Why not combine my two loves: creating characters who review The Friendship Diet?

Enter, my brand (no pun-intend;-) new YouTube Channel:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCF7fUS-FGfbg8jLPtnKJj5g?view_as=subscriber

Determining the “right” ingredients to success greatly depends on your definition of success. For me, success means living an authentic life. This includes living my passion. For someone else, success might mean gobs of money in the bank; for yet another person, success might mean an organized life.

Once we possess a clear awareness of what success looks like for ourselves, we can take action and choose “ingredients” that bring us closer to living that definition of success.

Regardless of the potential answers to our collective definitions of success, when we look for the quality of what success means, the outer effects of that success become significantly less important. For example: success for me is living authentically. By promoting my writing through performing, I am living authentically, on my terms. The by-product of this action isn’t something I can control, nor does it determine my motivation.

When we look within for the ingredients that drive our definition of success, we will find a dish that always satisfies.

“Serving Boundaries”

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A dog feeling the strain of someone’s lack of boundaries…

Last week, I had the pleasure of virtually speaking at an Author Talk with Rabbi Dan Gordon and his Temple Beth Torah congregants to promote my new book, The Friendship Diet. The book explores the deep, often-overlooked connection between our edible and emotional nutrition.

One of the participants asked a powerful question about boundaries that I would like to address here now: “How do you create important boundaries when you encounter “cilantro” that you don’t like?”

The cilantro is a metaphor in my book, referring to times when we encounter something we don’t care for the taste of (in my case cilantro) yet tend to ignore in an effort to please others. When we continue to ingest our respective “cilantros” we can feel bitter over time, if not downright sick to our spiritual and physical gut.

So back to the insightful question that was asked at the Author Talk: 

“How do you create important boundaries when you encounter “cilantro” that you don’t like?”

Those boundaries are going to look different based on the nature of the relationship. After all, the boundaries involved in limiting your child’s screen time is going to look very different from the boundaries invisibly erected between an intimate couple and what they share about say, their past romantic relationships.

Yet regardless of what kind of boundaries we are wanting to create in the face of said “cilantro,” they will all begin to manifest as a natural by-product of the internal work YOU do.

There’s a famous quote by motivational speaker, Tony Gaskins:

 “You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.”

Chances are, if you are receiving a dish of poor boundaries, you are serving a plate of low self-esteem. Change externally needs to start by altering our perceptions internally. When you care about how you feel first—regardless of what is going on externally in your life, you are sending a signal to others that you matter. That invisible but powerful signal is real and will affect all of your relationships, from your partner to your colleagues.

For many, learning that poor boundaries is often a by-product of low or weak self-esteem is a tough pill to swallow. There’s a reason growth is usually associated with pain. On the other side of that pill is clarity and awareness—beautiful harbingers of inner growth and change.

I encourage you to do the guided writing prompts in my book, The Friendship Diet. If the pandemic isn’t a time to examine the inner contents of our metaphorical fridges, I don’t know when is!

I’ll close with some auditory and visual food for thought with the link to our Author Talk: (Available on YouTube)

The Roula and Ryan Show: The Gift of Belly Laughs

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Thank you to The Roula and Ryan Show for having me on!

Last week, I had the pleasure of plugging my book among the auditory company of Roula Christie,  Ryan Chase and Eric Rowe on their Houston-based morning show, Roula and Ryan.

It was surreal hearing the familiar icons of morning radio, the very voices that accompanied me on many a pre-pandemic commute, INTERACT with me on air for all the world to well…hear.

My newly released book, The Friendship Diet: Clean Out Your Fridge, Get Real with Yourself, and Fill Your Life with Meaningful Relationships that Last is self-help meets stand-up comedy. I have a background in comedy/theatre as a performer, so knowing I was heading onto the often funny, always honest Roula and Ryan Show, I knew I had found a temporary auditory home. I’m also a school teacher and therefore know that the best classroom management involves a dash of comedy. Roula’s taunts can be heard in the link below, egging me on to reveal the dare-we-say-it “v” word (class clowning at it’s comedic genius pinnacle:-)

Humor, when honed with compassion, has the ability to lower our defenses and make self-reflection less scary, more palatable. We are more likely to digest emotional nutrition when it’s served with a spoon of belly laughs—hence, the audio clip I’m closing this post with (AND a big reason behind The Friendship itself—the connection between edible and emotional nutrition runs deep).

So thank you, Roula, Ryan and Eric for giving me a comedic audio space to promote a much-needed dose of humor and insight in our current crazy world.

Here’s the audio file. The belly laughs commence at 8am on July 21st, 9:36

https://www.krbe.com/thebestofroularyan/